Crazy Fucking Bitch

I lock myself up in my room this evil horrid day,
And dream of blood and pain to help with my insidious dismay.
Evil, biting, piercing thoughts bring sentient happiness,
'Tis such blinding fantasies that drive me to such bliss.

Can a Muse help find the lost insipid soul within?
A soul completely drowning in such wicked unkempt sin.
Perhaps my life and soul will just simply gladly end.
If I don't recognize the place my naked heart has been.

Why is life so infused with the temptation of the pain?
Why not peace security and feelings of the sane?
Am I just a needy little crazy fucking bitch?
Or can a part of me still find the happy feelings of the rich?

Life is such an evil hell on this awful dreadful day,
Sadness completely leaves me in crazed disarray.
Is there no one I can call today to clear my head?
If it doesn't happen soon I feel I may be dead.

Teacher does not answer me I've called her cell phone thrice,
I'm sure she's with another from my insecure advice.
Can I push her far away to reach such idiotic bliss?
'Tis insipid ignorance and weakened avarice.

I am unworthy to receive her soft and tender kiss,
Teacher does not deserve for me to find my happiness.
I've placed this wooden cross upon my open bleeding fist,
Crucified as Jesus Christ with spikes beat through my wrist.

Pick up the phone sweet Jesus and just fucking answer this,
Why do you tempt me so when you do not exist?
'Tis a dark and dangerous place my mind drifts to this day,
If sun doth rise tomorrow I might be a better way.

I seek your hand my muse,
I am confused.

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resubmission of edited poem