Cursed

Stepping out the door
Taking deep breaths as I soak in the sun
Shutting the door behind me
And then it happens

The tightening in my chest
The clenching in my stomach
Fear taking control
And back inside I go

Leaning against the door
Gasping for breath
Cursing myself inside my head
Cursing my weakness

Open the bottle
Take another pill
Wait for the fear to subside
But somehow it doesn’t

Nothing offers comfort
Tears flowing down my cheek
Cursing myself again
Damn this fear that controls me

Out the door again
Trying one more time
The lengths a person goes through
The struggles for every day life

Normal?
Not me
Abnormal
Cursed forever

Unable to live a normal life
The outside world swallowing me whole
These walls around me my only protection
Fear of everything else

Cursed.