Dad

*Author's note- The mentioning of Snarf is that of a pet ferret. i know it may offer some confusion as you read. M *
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My relationship, with you
Seems hazardous at best
Going through life as I have
It's all like some test
I feel I fail, day by day
To meet your expectations
I can feel it when you look down at me
I feel the stagnation

As a child, and as I grew
A thought,a truth I knew
Told in earnest, slip of tongue
Not what you say, to the young
I was an accident, unplanned birth
Placement not meant on this earth

I wasn't wanted, not by you
One more child, whoever knew?
I would grow up, mother's boy
Beholden close, was it a ploy?
Destroyed me, when she died
Left me with you, Nowhere to hide

Everything I have ever done,
Met with scorn, contempt or glare
Artwork, writing, collecting too
My friends, my loves, my jobs, unfair
Where I've lived, and what I've done
Those things I want, What I have begun
Everytime you look at me
All I can feel, all I can see
Is a displeasure, a measure fit
I can't match up to you
I'm sick of it

My brothers and sister
They grew strong
You talk to them
One on one!
You and I what do we say?
"Your 30 now, I'm old and gray
I can't keep on, taking care of you
When will you live your life,
What am I to do?
You and Jeff, your both unsure
The others I trust, theyre real stong
Jeff's a failure,
You a debit to the name of Long"

What do I say, to this tirade?
To his depictions of life's fade
It hurts me Dad, can't you see
You- it's you that gives me such misery
This Christmas and all the one's past
Every year, was when the family saw each other last
You ask me why, I don't find a mate
Maybe I'm ashamed, a failure to date

I'd bring her home, to Jackie's place
Introduce her to you, a fake smile on my face
You'd ask, what do you do
Anything worthwhile, anything new?
My sister would be, a talkative tree
Branching over subjects alike
And all I would feel
Is your disgrace of me

What have I done, that was so wrong?
Made my mistakes, as all have done
I have stumbled, tripped and fell
You have given me, no end to hell
Yes, I'm thirty, yes I am grown
Talk to me you bastard
Treat me as you own
You want me, to be what I am not?
A success in your eyes?
You talk to me, not like a child
Fuck you dad, I can't take this bullshit

Mom is dead, and our family too
Can't you see, she was our glue?
She held us together, through thick and thin
That's something there will never be, never again
You found Bonnie, you found a love
I'm happy for you, really I am
I'm glad you, have the strength to move on
But fuck you for everything else
All the shit into my face you have shoved

I lived there, for a while
Called the place of mom's death a home
I had ferrets, and pets alike
My mail wasn't safe, neither was Snarf
She threatened to kill him, threatened his life
Sided with her, yes you did
Wouldn't support your own goddamned kid

And you wonder why, I don't write or call
You'll wonder why, with those that I love
I'm moving Dad, moving away
Out of this town, out of your life
Out of forever, out of strife
And you question me, question it all
I am fed up, sick of it , this family is mauled
Everywhere I look, everything I see
Everything is fucked, fucked as can be

I am the one, you never loved
I am what was, that you never wanted
I am of you, but do you care?
I am hatred, misery and despair
I catch flak, for writing so dark
They say talent, shame that his wont
Is to write, on edge of emotion
My answer is, simple and true
The way I write, and what it says
Clears me inside, it's my solution