damn it...

Damn it, I can’t even do this right…
The pain is on the inside, but I can only manifest it outside…
My love in peril far away, my lover more interested in pool…
What folly have I involved myself in?

Stupid girl, why do you fight?
Can’t you believe what what you fear?
Fat, stupid, ugly…not worth their time of day…
Why else do they leave, or give you only part time?

What hubris, to think that you would catch-
Even a moment of true interest…
Stupid chit, to imagine that you could engender
True romance or care...

What idiocy to think that the lumpy body and awkward personality
Could encourage other than use?
Hasn’t it been this way since you could remember?
Why should now be different?

Suckered into the new-age thinking
That we control our being…
Play-acting strength, wisdom, confidence…
When you know you are a fake, a fraud, an imposter.

Still yet, true cowardice…unable to face the Void.
Knowing that it dose not end on this plane,
But continues…
Again I struggle, picking up-
Where I left off…

So it continues…
Join me in this painful dance…
Red hot slippers of what others say,
And what I know could have been…
Had I the strength…
Had I the courage…