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Faint swirls of mist curl
in chilly enclaves
like wisps of cotton candy.
Petals unfurl
in sleepy hollows,
emblazoned with diamonds of dew.
Sunlight breaks through dawn’s shroud
and anoints the day anew.
- COMMENTS
normal jeanalmost 16 years agohow very pretty. Lot's of pretty poetry today. I feel so lucky to be able to read it :)
Personally, I would play around with the structure a tiny bit. Add a bit of punctuation to emphasize a word, or two.
You have a subtle but effective rhyme scheme, but you could give it a nudge and make it stronger while not disturbing the peaceful quality you have adorned your poem with.
~~~
Faint swirls of mist
curl in chilly enclaves.
Like wisps of cotton candy,
petals unfurl in sleepy hollows,
emblazoned
with diamonds of dew.
Sunlight breaks
and anoints the day anew.
~~
I would drop "dawn's shroud" because you have demonstrated to us that it is already wrapped/shrouded, with your effective imagery. Just my thoughts, just wanted to let you know I read your work and enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing.
NJ
