Daydreams

Electricity,
when your fingertips
brush against mine;
I become lost,
picturing our hands
intertwined;

I wish I could
trace the veins
in your wrist
with my lips,
nibble oh so lightly
on your fingertips;

In my imagination
I flirt with possibility,
savoring each sensation;
indulging in the fantasy,
despite certain damnation
should I ever waver
and succumb to temptation;

but tell me again -
if thought's a sin,
aren't I already damned?

What, oh what, is a mad girl to do,
when consumed with a burning desire
to give myself up; to follow you?

Sometimes my mind wanders
until I fear I can't take it,
hopelessly tangled up in daydreams but
trying to appear normal, faking it;
caressing you with only the corner of my eye,
while striving to keep all expression from my face
trying so hard to seem indifferent, but it's all lies -
I know I should be feeling such disgrace;

and make no mistake, I always do
shame myself, suspecting that
you'd hate me if you knew;
Or could you afford to be kind,
and forgive my transgression
since your presence torments me so?
and yet your absence is worse!

If I could master my emotions,
I would gladly reason this feeling away,
and feel only what I am supposed to feel,
and truly mean every appropriate word that I say;
but I am a creature of manic highs and lows -
my emotions strike me forcefully, like physical blows,
and my affections for you are so painfully intense
every word you say, I photographically recollect,
knowing full well that you never meant to move me so,
and yet I can't help but find tiny shards of hope
laying around in all the things that you've said,
even knowing damn well that it's all in my head;

all the while dreaming, dreaming, dreaming
these exquisite involuntary thoughts of you,
hoping you would forgive me if you knew,
desperately wishing I knew what to do
to finally get my mind off of you...