- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Departing
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A hot sultry night
In a place between awake and slumber
Do I feel you?
I turn to face you
Your breath tiptoes upon my arm
My hand lays on soft plumpness
Moulded with your curves
Are you really there?
Now present, is a chilly air
A cloudy shadow rises
Eyes flutter as consciousness beckons
I see you drifting
On the gentle breeze
My weary arm lifts
And passes through the mist
Eyes awake as you escape
Through the partly open window
- COMMENTS
LeBrozover 16 years agoThis poem was mentioned in the Archival Review thread, in a picking through Lit's archive of over 37,500 poems.
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LeBrozover 16 years agoLove that 'breath tiptoes' line and this whole transitional stage between sleep and wakefullness.
twelveooneabout 19 years agoBest line:
Eyes awake as you escape
Worst line: (compounded by opening)
A hot sultry night
agree with Jim, although, I admit I overlooked, because of lack of strengh of opening and closing lines, it may have been better opening with the second line instead, that seems to ask a question, instead of here we go again, another hot sultry night.
"sultry" also destroys the dream like quality that rest of the poem conveys.
jthserraover 19 years agothe gently flowing language nicely intimated that almost passive state between sleep and being awake. I loved the breath tiptoeing on your arm, wonderful, sensual image. Nice work on this gentle, bittersweet poem.
jim : )
