Depression house

thank yiu all for the kind comments

For GM


This manifestation of "depression" is an internal thing, I tried to avoid solidifying the house in the first stanza to convey that it is not an actual physical structure, merely an intenalisation of how depression can hit you, then the walk through is the after the first assault you kind of get stuck in this state of mind, trapped by it, without even realising it. I switched up to using definitive articles through the rest of the piece because once in that state of mind it is almost a physical thing that shrouds your thoughts and creates such weird emotions and feelings, that you don't even notice as irrational until well after it has passed.

But your point is taken, thank you for the explanation on why this style of write doesn't work for you and gives me yet more things to think about when writingmore...

Stark

You attacked my senses with this poem, todski. Right from the assault on my nose and on through practically tasting the bitterness of bile rising up at the thought of such truths. I preferred this poem to be presented as if an outline, all of what rounds the sharp edges eliminated and the pertinent points standing on their own. Cutting, biting and pricking a pain response from my heart when I think about this very dark and inhospitable place. Thank youmore...

I recall some earlier version, tod, if I'm not mistaken, on PF&D that I liked and commented on. I like this one too, particularly the last stanza that leaves the notion of redemption open, not be confused with religion, more like Phoenix rising from its ashes.

As an aside, the dropping of articles and possessive adjectives seems to be more popular now just as you have done in the first stanza, "(The)door opens, (my)senses assaulted/(the)stench hits.... Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I can't seem to wrap my head around writing that way. No offense intended; I've seen butters do the same and she's accomplished as you have become IMO.

The only reason I can think of has to do with the mantra that the Imagists(Ezra Pound, etc.) shouted: eliminate anything that doesn't contribute towards the image, which certainly is the case here, but I have a bias that as much as possible we should try to write like people speak, so that's where I part ways with this style.

I admit I may have a blind spot here. I just raise the question because I like to think about elements of writing, so don't think I'm looking for a response unless I'm missing something as in "blind spot."

I enjoyed the poem.more...

Sad, sad situation

There but for the grace of God, go I

Your masterly and realistic description comes as a warning to me. (among other things).
I lived through it and such places, once visited in someone else's poetry, are the places that I would never want to visit in reality.
Well done.
5ed!more...