Dichotomy of Me

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"Thank you, Sir" Unintentionally,
As a barb to the heart, mocks me.
Later, two women fall in love on screen
Tears for joy, for the beauty, their beauty
Frustrated, angry, sorrowful, burning my eyes
Tears at my heart, tears my soul in two
One question. Why?
The dichotomy of two 'me's
Both a he and a she, a he/she,
Ladyboy? Shemale? Androgyne?
"Transwoman." That's me.
Not just 'she'?
Why the man before the woe
Before the wo-man could be
Siamese twins with just one body
Morphing, caterpillar-like but cocoon-less,
Snake like, the skin that just won't shed
My beauty
Not even skin deep,
Painted on, shaved off, beauty
Shaved off, pain, painted on. Beauty?
Frustrated, angry, sorrowful, burning my eyes
Tears,
One more question. Why?

© Jessica Deamer, 2010

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