disturbed

Eyes that always reminded me of fallen leaves
and decaying apples

My life,
before and after...
Golden days
turned to gray morphine mornings.

Now, it is polite smiles
& a friendless conversation.
That's all I will let you have,
the reflection of the surface.

"Forgive me if I don't really want to meet your new pregnant wife"

You'll ask me how I really am.
I won't tell you.

Secrets that are ment to be locked away;
grains of sand
in me
waiting,
the irritation forming pearls.

The life in me died
12.5 hours after you left.
In blood and pain
on the wooden floor of my cabin.

I never told you.
I never will.

I drove myself home,
away from the doctors.
"No, I will be fine."

I poured a whiskey
and washed us off the floor.