- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Does pain matter?
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Rub,red hot chillies & salt
direct on my eyes, naked
tears, colourless, will pour
Yet, I would not weep from pain
Put, nasty maggots
deep on my wounds, unhealed
fluid yellowish & puss will drain
Yet, I would not chase the flies
Slit, the hot pulsing thing
with a blade unsharpened,
Blood, deep crimson, will pop
Yet, I would not beg for breath
But,
Shut, the gates of your heart
Lock, the kiss of your lips
Wipe, the rainbow of your gaze
Do you think I would die?
Come you NOT, to meet me at night
to hold me tight, looking at the fire light
And love me soft under the moon so bright
You are right! I would pass out of your sight!
- COMMENTS
redpassionover 10 years agoAuthorYes, I did change the format at the end. The last stanza was added later. "I would pass out of your sight " can be a weak statement of death, suicide or a strong statement of vanishing from the lover's life. "Not" was emphasized because the final action depends on it.
BTW now I think,I should have stopped with the question Do you think I would die?
LesseloovesPeterover 10 years agoHmm...I see where you're going with this but I don't think you quite get there. The use of language and change of format at the end detract, imo, from the overall piece.
twelveooneover 10 years agothat is a bit extreme
and before breakfast
and a crescendo of rhyme at the end
a way with words, that needs to be worked on
the parts that are "wrong" are emphasized i.e. Come you NOT. so it looks like a deliberation. I like the way you think, but a little more of it.
Voted 4 if you need to know.
