Does She Think Of Me

I wish I could have said Merry Christmas,
Happy New Year … or I Miss You.
Even ‘I Hope You’re Feeling Better’
would have sufficed.

Does she think of me,
Or is she embarrassed?

Does she wish for my touch,
Or is she repellent?

Does she miss my voice, my mind, my perversions?
Or does she feel silly that I couldn’t fulfill all my dreams
even with her perfection?

I miss her greatly, and think of
her often.

Her smile.
Her voice.
Her skin.
Her touch.
All the things that made her mine once …

I looked at her picture.
So damned gorgeous, and for one weekend she was mine.
And I wanted more.

All those things make me think of her often …
I just wish I hadn’t failed her or been the disappointment
I know I was in my heart of hearts.

I’d never tell anyone
or admit it.
But I can’t deny it,
And I can’t run from it.

I can’t hold my breath.
I can’t wait forever … even though I would.
And I can’t hope that she’s going to come to me
as I went to her … even though I’d take her in without looking back.

But I do know I do think of her.
And I do wish she were still in my life.
And her friendship, her smile, and her support
made my life a new beginning.

I don’t need her.
I want her.
I just wish she wanted me.