Dramatic Monologue

The real title wouldn't fit in the title line. This is more of a joke poem, not really even a poem, but I kind of, sort of, like it a little. It's not very good at all, but I hope it brings a small smile to someone's face.

Barbie's Thesis on Why the Male Species (Boys) is dumb.

(Barbie is in front of the mirror, examining herself)

These seriously are not my boobs! I swear, someone must have come
and switched them while I was asleep.
Either that or the mirror is broken again, just like last time when
I couldn't fit into my prom dress.
But one does look and feel bigger than the other.
I wonder if maybe my right hand is smaller than my left?
Maybe that's why the right one is bigger.
Yes, that must be it.

Is it cancer? Oh my god... I have boob cancer!
But how does plastic get cancer? And how am I supposed to fix it?
Maybe if I sat on the heater for a while and let them melt
a little I could re-shape them to perfection.
I just don't get it... how could this happen to me?
I'm beautiful, I can't have lopsided breasts!

Come to think of it... my left nostril looks bigger than my right.
Oh my god... my nose is huge!
I wonder if Ken noticed this. He must have and that's why he
hasn't returned my last 18 phone calls.
I bet he's with that Kelly Barbie Bimbo. As soon as I figure out how to
fix my ugliness I'm going to run her over with my pink Cadillac.
No, I can't... I'm just too beautiful for jail! I can't imagine the things
they will do to me there...

Ewww... maybe one of my eyes is lopsided and that's why I'm seeing
everything to be uneven. I knew that 6th shot of Malibu was a bad idea last night.
But my ass still looks great and even.

Like, ok, I just don't get it.
Whatever, I'm going to go get a fat free ice cream cone and I'm sure tomorrow
everything will even out. Yes, that's it.