drunk at 18

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i sit.
i drink.
i wonder why thinking isn't
breathing for me

there's an aircraft
far above stealing the
sky as if a star

concentrate and all should
become clear.
   should but doesn't
   the more i concentrate
   the fuzzier everything becomes
slowly but surely

every catch phrase
interpreted one of many ways
only two ultimate overall interpretations
to be made, good? or bad?
  but not for me
  everything is everything

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3 Comments
erectus123erectus123over 10 years ago
oh to be 18 and drunk

how well you express it, nicely done, especially the first three verses

HarryHillHarryHillover 10 years ago
I agree, a good start

and a good finish, but I think it's been used before

DesejoDesejoover 10 years ago

Really like the first stanza of this. I usually dislike the I/i capitalization but it works here. I think you cold almost have stopped at the end of that stanza as an entire poem. As it moves on, it would benefit from verbal or sound links between verses. For example, breathing in stanza 1 links to AIRplane in stanza 2. It would be stronger if you changed that second stanza slightly to : there's a plane/ above/stealing air or something like that. Play on plane (airplane) and plane as in higher consciousness. Just something to think about. Welcome and this is a good start.