- Erotic Poetry
- Dubious
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Rather starved in love's field, I will
bow to your call on me when
taken to task. It would
be cutting my nose off
to refuse - the next time may
be years. Yet it does raise
my hackles, at times: when
the sight of your brother's
secretive snaps induced you
to have me make love to you
lying there, head turned away,
I really felt used.
- COMMENTS
DawnJover 11 years agoNot every poem needs the flash and glam of figurative language, or the intrigue of spectacular form. Sometimes, plain is powerful. Witness this one:
This Is Just To Say
by William Carlos Williams
I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox
and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast
Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold
Sometimes, to strain for poetic artifice is unnecessary and pompous, and readers recognize the arrogance of it, don't you think? More significantly, discerning readers are offended by it.
twelveooneover 11 years agohere is what bothers me,
Rather starved in love's field, good opener, after that there is really nothing for the reader to hold on too. I almost never do this because it is a truism, but it all is rather abstract, isn't it?
Now, the last three lines are dead, they almost could be prefaced with: the patient said...
for them to work at all you need something quite more than
sight of your brother's
secretive snaps induced you
there is a flatness in the writing, that could be mistaken for poetic walk throughs
5 any way
DawnJover 11 years ago...comes in many guises, doesn't it? Emotional abuse is the most painful kind, because there is no salve but love, which is sadly lacking in this depiction. Well done, again!
