- Erotic Poetry
- Eating Plums
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i have never seen anyone
eat plums like that
lips around each purple-red orb,
pulling juice,
teeth teasing at skin (fierce)
sucking out the flesh, pink
tongue; alive
one plum after another,
ravenous mouth,
starving man
(Oh my.)
how could i sit still,
not stare,
not writhe
not ache with wet?
watching you
eat plums like that
- COMMENTS
Anonymousover 7 years agoYou think the plums are shit ball? If there is anyone around here who is a shit eater it must be you - go back to green mountain where shit keeps the country green.
greenmountaineerover 7 years agoThis has alot of promise, anything, but needs some work IMO. You asked for feedback, so here it is. Take it or leave it. If you like it as is, that's all that really matters.
(fierce), I think, isn't necessary. Although not inappropriate by itself, parenthetical words are intended to accentuate. It diminishes (Oh, my) which, given the context of the narrative, and coming later, is more powerful.
"One plum after another" turns the poem into an inference about bukake, at least for me. I would much rather this erotic poem be an expression of oral love between two people.
