Echoes on the Darkness of Laughter

Echoes in the darkness of laughter…

            Sweet darkness embraces me like an old friend once long forgotten, but always there to hold my hand when loneliness returns to torment me.  Like a lover she seeks to comfort me.  To hold me when times are hard, and the days are gray.  Married to the pain, given only a sliver of happiness to tease my senses that leave me wanting more.
      I am in love with a dream that eludes me and promises a better tomorrow, but never today.  So I wait for a future that will never come.  I wait for that warmth that should fill this hole in my heart, but instead only leaves me wanting.
      Like a lover she caresses my face and wipes away the tears, but these tears I shed are for her and she never seems satisfied with my weeping.  She nuzzles my neck and kisses my cheek, but never showing me the love in which she is capable.
      The shadows of desire seem to always be out of my reach.  I shall die a starving man, starving from the lack of pleasure and desire.  Sometimes I wish I were someone else so that I could feel this pleasure that everyone else seems to take for granted.
      I am not alone, but yet I am.  Alone in a crowd, sleeping me to the woman that love so much, but never feeling that want that she should feel for me.  Her kisses tease me.  Her caresses torment me, because they leave me unfulfilled, and feeling undesirable.  But the darkness wants me.  The Darkness is my lover that will always be there even if she cannot.
      What will happen if she wakes up tomorrow and I am gone?  Will she regret the time she had, but took for granted?  Will she desire me then when I am gone from this life?  When it is too late?
      Who knows what fate has in store for us?  Perhaps an accident on the way to work will be the monster that takes me away from my love, or perhaps some disease that takes me in the night.  Either way at least she will be free from me.

Aztek Pagan