- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Elemental Things
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Click hereEach evening,
a little more marrow
dissolves into shapes of a dreamer
who swims into twilight talons
of wood creatures,
rooted by the hillside,
gathering birdsongs and butterfly wings.
They tangle and weep through their hallowed ground
within innocent saplings, as if daring to hide
glamour from the sun.
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- COMMENTS
duddle146over 17 years agoI feel as if I have been listening in as butterflies share their little intimate secrets! Well Crafted! Enjoyable Read!
Bill Dadaover 17 years agoI agree with Eve about the butterfly thing. The line also seems to have a better rhythm. I really liked
'daring to hide
glamour from the sun.'
My Erotic Taleover 18 years agoI don't think you should change it <grin> it speaks from the mind of blue perfectly from you <grin
WickedEveover 18 years agoIf you drop "butterfly" and leave the line to read "gathering birdsongs and wings" it would be a great improvement and take away that butterfly/unicorn/bunny kind of cuteness. Of course, you can successfully use those words in a poem, but I'd toss this butterfly out. :)
