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Click hereA sudden rift reveals clear sky
behind the dense grey clouds -
bright fierceness makes me blink
and shade my eys: too beautiful this dizzy white
for comfort; too great a contast for
my tired eyes -
and oh, the effort of taking in all,
the murderous task of retaining it all,
the brittle happiness, the chilly knowledge
of limitation -
but then the rift quickly closes
and thankfully my pupils widen into a sleepy stare
again.
Great line by the way.
I enjoy the use of natural things made into metaphor. However, I didn't quite understand the stylized line breaks and believe it took away, giving the reader something "just nice" to look at. Overall, this is good poem and imagery, though needs a quick spell check.
(I did mention this poem in Poetry Discussion and Feedback forum.)