Epiphany

I saw it. I did. Finally.

Just the other day, I was sitting with you in a restaurant and I saw it.

It has been a point of confusion to me for quite awhile. I have pondered it and considered it. I have turned it over time and time again in my mind.

I have, at long last, discovered the why behind my pain. I have seen a vision of explanation. I have looked upon its image and was immediately enlightened. Within the flash of a second, I received my answer. I was given the answer to the riddle that has for so interminably long, haunted me.

The answer hurt more than the question. The knowledge granted in my brief epiphany was not given as a blessing. It was a precise and fatal blow to my senses, a blight to my soul and came with such torture and torment as to be indescribable.

I didn’t see a glimmer. I didn’t receive a glimpse of it that slowly came into focus. There was no momentary flash of knowledge that faded slowly away. It hit me rather like a ton of bricks, truth be told. It sucked the air from my lungs and left them empty and aching, void and invalid.

Uncertainty was better. Doubt was a glorious gift from god. Ambiguity was bliss.

Why you can’t seem to be so deeply and magically in love with me, as I am with you. Why you can’t seem to loose yourself in me. Why you can’t become breathless just from the brush of my hand. Why my kiss doesn’t rob you of reason. Why you don’t tremble when I touch you and why a shiver never runs up your spine at my caress.

We were sitting there eating. Chatting and talking about anything and everything. I looked over your shoulder and there it was. I saw it. I had my answer.

I saw it. I had my answer. Looking over your shoulder, I saw it glinting in the light and then everything was clear and lucent.

It was a reflection.

It was my reflection in the mirror. It was me.