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Click hereI would crawl for the opportunity to whip you.
I would beg for the chance to scold you.
I would gladly kneel to be above you;
I would corrupt my soul to purify yours.
I swim in your eyes so soft,
I float on your smile so bright.
I fly with your spirit so freely,
I drown in your passion so heated.
I want to sin with you.
I want to be wicked with you.
I want to break the commandments with you.
I want to surrender my shares in Paradise for you.
In the darkness, my hands will quiver to touch you.
In the darkness, we will hear the clarity of whispers.
In the darkness, our hearts will beat as one.
In the darkness, we will see our stars.
One I would suffice putting it on practically every line spoils completely what could have been a much better poem
But seriously, this sounds like lyrics to a Muse song. I think the ideas here are cliche and if nothing else, the repetition makes me tune out about two lines in. I don't know if the repetition even serves a purpose in this. It seems neat and kitschy, which is at odds with the fervent (albeit, hackneyed) themes of this poem. A good risk, but feels like you got in the way of yourself.