- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Evenings Out
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Click hereI even out my life in evenings
out in the garden, making the most
of Summer, watching the
colour drain from things into
pools of black which
trickle slowly together to
drown the world in darkness,
like rock-pools on a beach into which
we stare at crabs and
starfish while the sea
cuts us off, and Autumn
swallows Summer.
- COMMENTS
twelveooneabout 13 years agoWhat chip said I agree with, I like the use of alliteration and the amount, in the more important lines, what I can't get over is:
of Summer, watching the - "the" strikes me as just wrong, having UU, slight pause
colour drain from things
it throws a weight on colour, that you take away with "from things"
I feel that is your intent, just I question it. A5
SweetOblivionover 13 years agoI really enjoyed this one and it is so topical and cleverly devised. M
Esperanza_Hidalgoover 13 years agosometimes the way you capture words leaves me breathless. The last two lines dropped my jaw.
--And you keep on posting good ones. You keep me coming back to look.
More, more, more
buttersover 13 years agoyour visuals are, as always, right on the money; your language choice refined absolutely to the tone of the piece and its pacing ... so often that undertow of old and almost comfortable sorrow imbues your writes.
loved this, especially your use of swallows linked to summer the way you have.
