experiments in necrophilia

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i cannot help but wonder
what about you
i still miss

certainly not your muscular addiction
to upturned bottles
and the way that ethanol, cruising through your dark blood,
unleashed the violent tongue-wagging monster within you

nor is it your one-sided stone tablets of rules
or your mistrust of everyone because you could only lie
nor your selfish version of love
(how do you hate thee? i grew sick of counting the ways)

definitely not your acidic vomit after attempts at eating
your stomach always balled in knots
because you ran from a past
that i'm sure still haunts you

it can't be your inability to sleep a wink
resting always with an opened eye to which of your betrayed
might slit your throat in the night

it surely cannot be your Princess' brain trying to function in your whore's body
and the agony it caused me

i think only
i miss your arms wrapped me during that split second
you had us both convinced
you loved me

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