- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Faceless
Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.
You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.
Click here
Authors note: I think this needs to be said, I'm not a poet. I'm in a band that plays predominantly metal and I'm the lyricist. This is more or less lyrics I wrote and I would like some new opinions on them. Please leave a comment and tell me what you think.
There's nowhere left to leave my mark
All my hopes were left in the dark
I tried and I failed, so I lied and bailed
Leaving behind everything I couldn't find
I'm running blind past all the warning signs
The edge of life is balanced on this knife
Nothing's right anymore, not since you shut the door
Locking me inside this prison you called hope
The walls close in until I learn to cope
By then it's all over
I'm simply wading through the crowds trying to find myself
I look into the mirror and see no one look back
It all fades to black before I can try once again
I tried and I failed, so I cried and turned tail
There's nothing left here to die for
- COMMENTS
Anonymousabout 10 years agoThank you for the beautiful poem. Every ,lline described me and my state of mind.
Congratulation and please, write more poems. VB.
thisguyrighthereabout 10 years agoIt makes for a decent rock song, I can hear it in mah head.
'By then it's all over' sounds like it needs something before it to match what you have three lines back.
I dunno about 'before I can try once again'... seems to mess up the flow a little.
I'm imagining that you slow down on the third section then pick it back up on the last one, right? I think you need two more lines before 'I tried' about the futility of getting back with that Queen B that shut the door on his face. It just seems like that last section needs to be a bit longer, is all. Should match your previous sections and allow for a good finale that doesn't feel like it came too soon *wink wink*.
Overall, I like it. Not sure if it's one you could name a record with, but it's definitely got good potential for a bit of head bangin'. If I sound fulla shit, please understand, I've never truly made music before. Tooling around on a piano and a guitar at beginner level is all I've got.
Lemme know what you think. Oh yeah I left a comment on your other poem, lemne know what you think on that too, ye? Cheers!
