- Non-Erotic Poetry
- falling awake
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are you falling asleep?
quite the opposite, he answers.
three spotlights mark our movement
on sheets rented by the hour.
I dreamed he came for us lover.
he knows my escape routes and hiding spaces
from when he was the one on the other side
of the light through curtain,
the other side of the shotgun.
he carries my map in his pocket.
I would stoop to say
"we are cut from the same cloth"
but it is not fabric that stitches our weakness
for love and flesh and discovery.
no tailor responsible for these needle holes and chalk mark darts
no
maybe you and I were penned by the same ink
washable, it bleeds its colors
of those lines we lift from old poems
to seed the new.
our tree bears fruits of contradiction--
poets who hate poetry
lovers who cannot hold onto love
dreamers who cannot sleep
I know you will use these thin shoulder straps
that hold my last modest fabric
to pull in your next distraction
thinking
"ah, maybe this is the one!"
oh look baby!
I have already stolen your lines.
I wear them like damp panties on a breeze.
- COMMENTS
Anonymousalmost 18 years agotightening. I enjoyed reading this but felt it could benefit from a little more tightening. The line 'I dreamed he came for us lover.' sounds awkward when read out aloud. Imho, putting a comma after the word 'us' would make this sound a little better.
Likewise, the lines:
'"we are cut from the same cloth"
but it is not fabric that stitches our weakness
for love and flesh and discovery.'
"we are cut from the same cloth" sounds cliched and the latter half of the sentence feels a little too long.
You've made a great start here, there is an excellent poem waiting to fly out
