Fantasy

I close my eyes, as I think of you.
 I think of us.
 I think of what I want.
  the darkness in my eyes…
 enfolds my soul.
 it brings my mind
 to a cool, dark place.
 somewhere safe
 to explore my desires…

 I want to be made to stand up...
 naked, except maybe for boots
 long, black boots...
 soft leather that comes up over the thigh
 impossibly tall heels...
 short black gloves...
 ...and a black velvet blindfold...
 I stand…
 with my fingers interlocked behind my neck...
 back straight…
 tits straining forward…
 and my feet far apart…
 ...as far apart as they can be,
 and still allow me to stand.
 for a long, long time
 there I will stand…
 I am completely exposed...
 naked…
 vulnerable…  
 unsafe...
 every ounce of trust I have
 I have called upon
 just to keep me there
 and keep me still.
 as you command.

 The carpet is thick...
 it is heavy white wool
 on full sheep skins,  
 sewn together to form a large rug...
 It is so think and soft…
 it drinks up sound.
 and if you are barefoot,
 or careful...
 I might not hear you at all.
 just a breath here...
 the hint of a touch there...
 I am never sure where you are...
 and you use that advantage
 to surprise me
 to keep me off balance.
 Not my feet,
 they stay firm
 where you have put them
 but my mind.
 it teeters.
 on the edge of a fall.

 You trace a fingertip down the back of my ribs...
 and my body quivers...
 but I try to stay still....
 because you have said I must.
 so I stand as fortress stone
 and suffer your assault.
 touches... kisses... nibbles... bites...
 your warm breath…
  your lips…
   your teeth…
    your long fingernails…
     your hair…
      or your breast…
       or your thigh…
        or your cunt…
         or your nipples brush against my skin.
 the “when” is anticipation made real…
 palpable, firm, hard.
 the “what” is pure mystery…
 the "where" is always a surprise.
 a small bite on my ribs, under my right breast
 followed in the same moment by nails scraping up my left thigh...
 it seems to last forever...
 ...but you can see it has been only minutes.
 it feels to me that my body is shaking uncontrollably...
 ...but you can see that it is only tremors
 barely visible…
 as muscle ripples under the skin.
 it feels to me like my skin is on fire...
 I’m burning out of control all over my body...
 …but you can see it is only small red welts and bite marks
 barely standing in the skin.
 and every time your touch comes too close to my fire…
 you shy away.  
 preventing me from enjoying too much of you.
 small beads of sweat rise...
 on my forehead...
 on my cheeks…
 under my eyes...
 atop my breasts...
 down my tummy…
 on the roll of my shoulders, or over the slope of my ass...
 and still you tease.
 touching here,  
 kissing there.
 waiting...
 watching me.
 reading me.
 playing me.

 it is very delicate...
 more difficult than walking on eggs
 you watch the color of my skin...
 feel the heat coming off my body...
 watch the muscles quiver and twitch
 do I bite my lips?
 do my nails dig into my palms?
 every detail has to be read…
 and read properly.
 so that the final note
 of the symphony
 is played exactly on time…
 exactly on key…
 the right tone...
 the right duration...
 you watch the details.
 and my world narrows...
 to a smaller and smaller circle
 of sound and touch and light...
 closing around me...  
 closer...
 smaller…
 more intense…
 to an impossibly tiny, singular spot...
 only around me...
 smaller…
 more intense…
 to one single, pure shaft of light...
 …in my world, nothing exists but that single ray of light...
 shining from infinity,
 from oblivion,
 from ecstasy...
 to one spot
 millimeters inside my soul.
 this is focus.
 this is totality.

 so quietly....
 not to be betrayed, or predicted...
 you position yourself...
 still a fingernail here....
 a pinch there...
 decoys...
 diversions...
 then.... all in one instant:
 your mouth closes over my sex
 your tongue on my clit...
 fingers probe deep inside me in one smooth stroke...
 another presses against my backside...
 just pushing in.
 all of it hits me
 at the same
  exact
   instant...
 when every nerve in my body is already focused and singing.
 my back arches impossibly
 my mouth opens in a silent scream...
 blood falls from my lips and palms,
 where teeth and nails have broken skin...
 my legs lock and my arms flex and muscles harden to stone
 all over my body...

 for more than a minute,
 I don't even breathe.

 my body shakes,
 muscles tremble,
 and the whole world ceases to exist.
 the shaft of light becomes infinity...
 I try to stand...
 I try to stay still…
 as you have commanded me.
 but I fall.
 I am spent.
 falling.
 gone.

 My last thought…
 as glorious, endless darkness consumes me:

 I am yours.
 And I always will be.