Fire

if i lock you up
in this room.
paper. pen. razor blade.
what do you choose?

if i tell you to run.
will you move?
hold your ground?
i know the best for you.

i approach you slowly.
hand grasped on my heart.
i see your face from where i am.
i know you're falling apart.

you stand still in your place.
i dont know what to stay.
i guess i just walked up to you.
and asked the time of day.

backpack on your shoulder.
smile on your face.
if i could change that day.
i would gladly take your place.

memories forgotten?
you think you know me well.
but i loved you more then and now.
then i can ever tell.

memories pulled from your bag.
placed into my hands.
my mind is starting to race.
i can barely stand.

"girl. what are you doing.
you're worth so much to me."
there's never a day that passes by
that i dont want you with me.

my heart is pounding in my head.
i have to get away.
i know that she will only feel worse.
if i dont leave, and stay.

what i thought she would never do.
she confirms to me she has.
i cant look at her in the eyes.
as she pulls the petrol from her bag.

"this is for you, my beautiful." she says
as she unscrews the lid.
i cant beleive what is happening.
i dont know what i did.

i cant even speak now.
i can barely even see.
but i turn back to run to the house
when she walks towards me.

she fumbles with the lighter
before she sets herself alight.
i know the same struggle she has.
the one she tries to fight.

the heat i feel when she's up
is one i cant forget.
i hear the scream in my nightmares.
a scream of regret.

i can only think one thing.
that she is going to die.
i'm not enough to save her now.
so i run inside.

the terror in me is so great
i have to shut the door.
i dont want to leave you there
but i cant offer any more.

i'm in the study with the phone.
i dial triple o.
my hands are shaking something chronic.
i hear the dial tone.

someone answers, i hear their voice.
but their words are just a blur.
outside she is screaming.
and im screaming back at her.

"a girl just lit herself on fire
outside my house"
my voice is so alien.
i dont engage my mouth.

i tell her to shutup.
i cant stand to hear her pain.
i make the mistake of looking up
when she screams out my name.

her eyes are full of regret.
terror is all i see.
there's fire burning all around.
and she's looking into me.

her gaze it seems to hold me.
i just want to look away.
her clothes are melting to her skin.
her skin has turned the colour clay.

as fire slowly burns.
her skin turns a shade of black.
she's taken off her shirt and jeans
and i'm facing her back.

she's shaking and she's crying.
i dont know her standing there.
this girl is imitating mine.
and someone's taken her.

i dont know what to do for her.
i put a blanket on the ground.
she lying, rocking back and forth.
she hardly makes a sound.

i hear the sirens to my left.
and think its over now.
but i know its just beginning.
sweat gathers on my brow.

The support arrives around me.
i feel like im hardly there.
all i can smell is petrol and burning
hanging in the air.

questions fired at me.
i dont know what to do.
and so i tell them everything.
about me and you.

there is a commotion by the ambulance
and i look up to see.
the thing that still frightens
the life out of me.

they have you on the strecher bed
you're clawing at your eyes.
but they're not blue and beautiful.
they're white on the inside.

your breath is rasping noisy.
you're gasping for air.
this whole time i've felt so helpless.
i can only sit here and stare.

you shirt it burns in front of me.
its ash coates all my skin.
i want to scream and shout at you.
but i keep it in.

the truck sits there for ages shut.
trying desperate to revive.
and when you finally leave with them
i think i've died on the inside.

the rest is just a mess to me.
the questions thick and fast.
no one has a true report
on how bad you really are.

the days since then have moulded
into one seemlessly.
one time of just hoping you'll one day
maybe think off me.

you are with me forever.
you were the life inside my lungs.
but now you took that from me.
just as fast as we begun.

i will never love anyone
quite how i love you.
but i don't know if there
can be a future for us two.

i love you now and always.
until my dying day.
one day, if you do, admit to me
that you feel the same.

i cant offer you my life.
you already stole it on that day.
but always remember this:
no matter what - i love you anyway.