First Kiss


You sit on one end of my sofa relaxed, composed, assured. You sit so still.

I sit on the other, feet tucked under me, one hand in my lap
The other toying with a disobedient strand of hair that refuses to conform.
The other strands stay in their place: neat, untouched, and unsatisfied.

I studiously avoid your gaze,
Chancing only a furtive glance
to find your gaze is still unwavering.

You hold your hand out to me.
I place my smaller hand in yours.
My skin looks pale compared to yours.

Your thumb brushes the back of my hand.
"I have come this far," I think.
I forget to breathe.

I’ve now met you, and I’ve trembled. I’ve burnt my tongue on tea too hot; too nervous to test its heat before swallowing. And I’ve thought “surely he must think you cannot even take care of yourself.”

I’ve now had you walk with me, taking my hand and placing it in your arm, feeling your hand at the small of my back, your touches small and authoritative, always retreating before I can think of how I should react to them.

I’ve now invited you into my home, my hands fumbling with the keys, my knees struggling to hold me up, and my heart in my mouth as you looked around my sanctuary with a critical eye and silent tongue.

Your thumb rubs on the back of my hand.
"I’ve come this far," I think.
I forget to breathe.

It is a small thing, I think, to move across and put my head on your shoulder.
It is a small gesture, I think, and one that should not warrant such weighty discussion.
It is a small distance, I think, to travel, but it feels infinitely significant.

I feel your hand stroke my hair; I am soothed, and I am grateful.
I feel your hand smooth my hair back and back, and your intentions become clearer to me.
I feel your hand pull my hair into your hand, and feel it twist within your fist.

I feel your hand tighten in my hair.
"I have come this far," I think.
I forget to breathe.

You pull my head back taught without warning.
The only thought left is: “Sir.”

Then I feel your lips and teeth upon the neck you’ve exposed.
I cease to think at all.

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byTyr51© 0 comments/ 1986 views/ 0 favorites

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