First Letters Home From College

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Dearest Ma and Pa, there is something you should know.
I hope you both will understand, and will survive this blow.
I have to tell you finally, and now that we're apart,
this might be the perfect time to get this off my heart.
How can I break this gently? It is certainly not easy.
How can I tell you what I must without your getting queasy?
I can't think of a tactful way to say what I have to say,
so the best is that I be direct: you need to know I'm gay!
Girls do nothing for me. They simply leave me cold.
Even the most curvaceous forms of the Playboy centerfold!
They cannot get me steamed up! They do not make me horny!
I've been to watch a strip show but I found it rather corny.
The most explicit beaver shots just simply can't distract me,
and the thought of fondling women's breasts does really not attract me.
And it's not that I've no sex drive – because I cannot get enough –
but it has to be another guy. I'm not into female fluff.


John, our dearest son, we have received your recent note.
We're not the least bit shocked by it, or anything you wrote.
About your being gay, well, we have known for quite a while.
Your thinking that we didn't know has really made us smile!
Some months before you left we found your hidden stash of porn.
We even noted how some were bespattered and more worn.
"Latino Studs" was clearly one preferred above the others.
And – as far as we recall – "Hot Chicano Brothers"!
We didn't make a fuss because your parents are quite calm.
We had some worried moments. Then we said, "Well, what's the harm?
We're never going to change him if that's his sexual preference!
This issue doesn't warrant to the counselor having reference."
Does it surprise you that your Ma and Pa are really quite progressive?
What did you think we were going to do? Get nasty and oppressive?

Dearest Ma and Pa, there's something else I want to say:
For the greatest parents in the world I thank God everyday!
I'll be coming home for five days in about a month or two.
I'll be bringing home a buddy that I'll introduce to you.
He needs a place to stay because he can't go home for now.
He wrote a letter to his folks in which he told them how
he'd discovered he is gay and that he yearns for other guys.
They said he couldn't come home till he told them these were lies!
What he'd written in his letter, they said, had to be a trick.
And that to try out such a nasty prank was really very sick!

John, our dearest son, it will be nice to have you home.
Your Pa could surely do with help, though he gets by on his own.
And if you also bring your friend, well that's an extra hand!
We can do with all the help now that we've planted extra land.
There's a bit of sad news for you: Young Harper Miller died.
He was with the army in Iraq. When we heard it, how we cried!
Otherwise things are just the same: the pump's not any better.
The soil is just as dry, the climate doesn't get much wetter.
The Jacksons lost a mule or two. Did I tell you Bess had pups?
And Old Man Roberts crashed his truck. Well and truly in his cups!
Take care, my boy, look after yourself. We'll see you in a while.
I miss your presence round the place, your laughter, and your smile.

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