First love First pain

     I feel the energy of the lightning I want to embrace it to have it surge through my lifeless body.  The turgid water spraying over me.  I feel so alive with the violent storm going on all around me yet still so completely and utterly alone.
   I see you in my mind like an apparition so beautiful, innocent exactly like the very first time we met here..  Your leaning against the lighthouse, with that haunting look of desire.  I despise what you make me feel, I want to be numb and not care anymore.  But our passion is so strong just one look and I melt.  I run to you, pulling you into my embrace I run my finger's through your thick brown hair pulling it back off of your face so I can see you smiling at me showing me the love in your eyes. .  
I want to make you feel how you left me in anguish and despair but when our lips meet I can't contain myself.  I want you so badly I ache for you.  I rip your dress off of you bearing you to the elements I grab you roughly and pull you tight to me my arms embrace you while my hands grab your fleshy ass pulling you tight to my crotch as I suckle your nipple into my moist wet mouth I flick my tongue over your hardened bud.  You arch your back pulling me close wanting more, I want this to never end but I can't get what you did to me out of my head.
   I push you away panting with need.  You look at me with bewilderment wanting me needing me but still pushing away.   All of the years waiting wanting were still not enough.  You want me badly but only to satiate your hormonal needs nothing more I wasn't enough for you.  I can't stop that hatred for pouring out of me, "I love you dammit"!!! I scream.  "Why isn't it enough"! tears pouring down my face.  I suppose I will always wonder how you could you walk away so easily, putting all that we had to the side like I was nothing more than some trivial dalliance to whet your insatiable appetite.  That's all I was to you.  A momentary glimpse into a life you'll never consummate you have so many fears about coming out, not willing to lose your family willing to hide in the dark and never be happy.  I want to go back start over, lose all those feelings.  But alas I know I never will.  You are my first true love and I will never forget you or forgive you.