- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Flakes
Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.
You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.
Click here
I have been his snow fall;
a delicate and intricate
flurry of fantasy.
I melted under fingers
forgetting a thousand flakes
tumble each day.
I clung to the belief
that every blizzard
befalls unique.
Now I evaporate
while he continues to form
snow angels from flakes.
- COMMENTS
annaswirlsalmost 15 years agoYou know I am a fan of your poems and I hope you do not mind if I critique here in the comment section.
First line: could have been be instead, was?
Last two lines could be better. They seem to be too matter of fact and not as "poetic" as the rest. Perhaps this is intentional to reflect the realism revealed, but I think the image of him making snow angels could be softened.
something like this?
Now while I evaporate
he brushes angels
in the new fallen snow
???
enjoyed, thanks for letting me play
annaswirlsalmost 15 years agoYou know I am a fan of your poems and I hope you do not mind if I critique here in the comment section.
First line: could have been be instead, was?
Last two lines could be better. They seem to be too matter of fact and not as "poetic" as the rest. Perhaps this is intentional to reflect the realism revealed, but I think the image of him making snow angels could be softened.
something like this?
Now while I evaporate
he brushes angels
in the new fallen snow
???
enjoyed, thanks for letting me play
Tzaraalmost 15 years agois that you have to read the whole series to make sense of each one. This is a pretty good addition to the series, though the word "befall" seems wrong to me. (That could just be me, of course.) The series is excellent, by the way, and resonates with me in a manner I can't easily explain.
