Flames

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79 words
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ms_girl23
ms_girl23
1,165 Followers

Pitch black darkness unbroken by light
And dancing flickers of heat
The only sound
My breathing
And yours

Drowning, gladly inside your eyes
Roaring silence
That fills my ears
Your whispers
Sweet murmurs
Of nothing

A dull ache that throbs in my consciousness
It hurts
My beating heart
And yours, so loud
Pleasure where we touch
And pain
Everywhere else

Close my eyes
Lost inside the eternal embrace
Of fire
And heat
Burning
Forever, unceasing
Trapped
Inside the flames

ms_girl23
ms_girl23
1,165 Followers
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AngelineAngelinealmost 20 years ago
Good sustained metaphor

More specific detail would make this even stronger though, more description of color or shape, sound, the feel of the heat--I think anything in a poem that evokes a reader's senses adds to the experience. Not to detract from your poem though--it's very good. :)

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