Foolish Troll

I know now, that you never truly loved me, not as I loved you. You have told me about
him. I know that while you were in my arms, you yearned for him. I know that your
mind was crying out to him and I was the closest thing to fill the emptiness.

I feel a horrible and nagging thought creep into my tortured mind. It poses the query.

“Did I take advantage of you?” “Somehow, did I feel your vulnerability and use it to
quench my own thirst?”

I reel in horror at the thought. You so soft and pure, so sweet, young and innocent. Me,
harsh and empty, alone and emotionless, old and desperate. How could I have ever
thought anything between us could be real?

I allowed myself to get caught up in my own illusions. I stepped into a fantasy world
where a faery princess could love a troll. The hurt and disillusion I have brought upon
myself fill me with pain, but the thought that I dragged you into the mire with me seeps
into my soul like acid to destroy me.

I am glad for you, that you found a prince to rescue you from the hideousness that is me.
I wither in slow death, at the thought of having taken advantage of you and used you
somehow. I swear, by all that is holy, if I did, it was not intentional. Whatever weakness
or vulnerability I sensed and pounced on, was subliminal and I had no conscience
direction to do so.

Now, you walk on the flower strewn path above me, as a princess should. I rot in the
mire and filth below you, a troll to the world and a demon to myself, and it is as it should
be.

There must be justice in this world and I deserve to pay the price for the deeds I have
done. My only hope, is that someday, you can forgive me and look upon the beast, which
is me, with kind eyes and a smile. You look at me with a smile now, but it isn’t
forgiveness, it is just trying to forget. Forgiveness will come later, I hope and pray.