- Non-Erotic Poetry
- For A Moment
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The latest looker was full on unexpected. Her gray hair, old movie softness, and youthful face. I was kind for a moment and then back to this.
- COMMENTS
Senna Jawaover 6 years ago(I have not nor am going to rate your post).
* The 4th word is "was". This is already a small defeat, especially in a short poem. "Poetry is the art of words" (I said :) )--not a word or anything should be wasted.
* "full on unexpected" -- you phrase didn't contribute to poetry, it only gave a general idea to the reader instead of poetry. You could fill up the space taken by "WAS full on unexpected" by a meaningful image or you could simply skip it. If, by skipping your poetic placebo you didn't get a full poem then it'd mean that there was none. Adding placebo will not help (well, you may fool IGNORANT readers, but I hope that this is not your goal, you seem more ambitious than that).
* You have another "was" (in the 3rd sentence).
* "and then back to this"--that's an allusion, I guess, but certainly not poetry. You have five words but only one ("back") is artistically meaningful. Live long "art of words".
Best regards,
