- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Fragile
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Click hereFragile
It didn't used to hurt,
the way the moonlight would come
moving her soft ways
across my wall and on my bed.
Now these dream-dappled nights
have found a fragileness in me,
and sleep no longer wants to be my friend.
~softsmile
- COMMENTS
buttersabout 13 years agoand i echo the fragility thing, or 'have found me fragile/find me fragile'. i have no problems with the last line.
MikeIvyabout 13 years agoI like this idea, I would play with it a bit, maybe removing some of the little helpers, like ..and, her, the. removing these may make it more compact and forceful.
M
ishtatabout 13 years ago"Used not", might be stronger than "didn't."
Ditto Tristesse on fragility and maybe leave out the "a"
"wants to be my friend," maybe a bit naff. How about "comes" instead.
5
GuiltyPleasureabout 13 years ago.....try "fragility" in this line " - have found a fragileness in me,".
Tess
