Ghost in My Mirror

For the millionth time
The sun sets on my empty heart.
Almost like second nature
I’ll dry my moist eyes,
And fantasise myself with you.
I flutter into a dream state
Of staid helplessness.
I
Wake to the scorching sound,
Of an alarm, turn on my side,
Half submerged still in
Sin filled slumber
And utter words of
Dreamlike thoughts.
I
Ask an invisible ‘baby’
To turn silence the death call.
Waking with a start into full awareness
Realising my bed lays bare.
The wind in my god forsaken dreams.
The light in my cold lonely tunnel.
But there you go…
Blinking again,
And you get farther and farther away,
The more I try to hold on.
I
Don’t want to feel this way,
Such a slave to my emotions.
Tear my world apart
And then stick it
Back together with
Childs glue.
Shatter my existence-
With a hammer of words.
Piece it back together.
A brilliant jigsaw I am sure it makes.
My life in the palm of your hand,
Provides more entertainment than
A bedtime read,
Of this I am certain.
You sent the spirits my way,
You didn’t know you sent a part of you too.
So damned magnetic, so irresistibly charming.
They were all right,
But at the same time so where you.
So,
How do I divide myself
Between my mind and my heart?
When one pulls in one direction-
The other leads me down another path
And I’m torn between reason and gut feeling
Two distant worlds apart.
You are the ghost in my mirror.
The one that watches me,
But doesn’t offer their hand.
Just watches silently, in the shadows.
I
Don’t want the night
To spirit away,
Lost to the touch,
And slipping like sand
Through the gates of my fingers.
The night so fine, so fragile.
Like me.
But you do not care,
You just wish,
I
Lay at your feet
And had my head lower than yours.
To make you my idol.
To worship.
Maybe I’d already put you
On a pedestal.
But surely you were to
Give me great pleasure whilst
I
Bowed to your emotions?
You failed that duty.
And now I tear you down.
I try to stand higher than you.
And you push me back down.
I
Surrender as usual,
And you trample on my existence.
Shatter it and stick it back together again.
Why am I so weak?
The one I need,
The ghost in my mirror,
The love I wish I had,
Two worlds away.
And I
Listen to the sound
Of the deafening silence
that signifies my loneliness
And I
Cannot stand it much more.
Nobody wants to be lonely.
So why is this my punishment?
What law have I broken?
To be condemned to solitude?
Tell me,
It seems you know the answer.
You wave it in my face,
And snatch it away as quickly
as it was revealed.
I
Wish I looked how I felt,
And how others make me feel
for then I’d never have to look in
Another mirror again
for they’d all be shattered
And what would become
Of the ghost in my mirror?