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Click hereAs dawn draws a thread of blue
across the sky,
Giselle after another
sleepless night,
remembers Courvoisier kisses
when Paris in gay abandon
played the song of lovers, before
the thunder clouds closed in.
You can completely ignore this but in the first line 'draw' scratches in my ear. I think of a line scratched in the sky and being Paris, I think dawn would 'paint' a line in the sky. It's so much more a sensual way of mark making than to draw.
Nice poem though.
I intially thought of the classical tale of Giselle (my mother tortured me with classical ballet music etc) but was much happier to discover it was about Paris and I am presume the 1890s, Toulouse Lautrec etc. I agree about the errant comma but it doesn't suffer too much for the lack. Five and a recommend.
corvoisier kisses, and readily accept 'gay abandon' linked so intimately with Paris in this reminiscence. the thunderclouds of war, the noise/worry keeping her awake all nigh, don't entirely blot the memories inspired by the blue thread of dawn.
i have a problem with no comma after 'Giselle', L3. makes the first lines read oddly. if you cared to, and i know not many people do, you could opt for now punctuation by small adaptations to your linebreaks. :)
gay paris - like your conjuring here, annie :flower: