Go to her...

I can’t compare to her, I can’t compare to the reality and I certainly can’t compare to your memory of her. I could hear the minute you spoke her name that you loved her. And I don’t mean just love her, I mean soul destroying love, love that takes your breath away, love that squeezes your heart. You couldn’t be more in love with her if you tried.

The way you described her made her come to life even through your words. You made me cry and I was thankful that you couldn’t see me. I don’t think you heard it in my voice, I’m not even sure if you heard anything I said so consumed where you in remembering her.
The way you described her gave me an image so strong even now I cannot shake it from my mind. She is vibrant, full of life and love. She is beautiful, a women that makes every single person look up when she enters a room.

And there she is, this beautiful creature I have to compare to. And I cant. I feel completely and utterly inadequate, not deserving your love even in friendship when it should be her in my place. And all I can think of when I hear your voice is that love you have for her.
Her name spoken so softly from your lips as if in fear you may shatter your memory of her.

All I feel is complete and utter self-disgust when I look in a mirror, how can I compete with someone so beautiful and full of life as she was? I can see you making love to her so clearly it hurts. My want for you so childish compared to her need for you. Her passion and lust returned equally between you.

My need for your acceptance and love takes my breath away, I didn’t think I was capable of feeling such an inordinate amount of pain.

Heart racking sobs shake my body, curling into a tight little ball, I cry, I cry for her, I cry for you and I cry for me.

And so surely it shouldn’t be this way? Surely when you love someone it shouldn’t cause this amount of pain and anguish.
And so it must stop.
For me, for you and for her.

You need to find her, and you need to tell her how much you love her.
Because that is where you belong: By her side.

And me? I have no part to play in this future. I am an unneeded character in this little play of life. And it tears me apart to leave you. I cant imagine not hearing your voice, or never getting to touch you, to kiss you, all the simple little things that people take for granted.

I hope she loves you as much as you do her. I hope she treasures you forever. As I would do in her place.