- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Gravity #2
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Releasing me from her grip,
eyesacks swollen but dry,
I see her for the first time,
regretless and saturated
in relief.
Nothing to brace me,
left wondering about my
abandoned orbit, and how
I missed the gravity of it all.
- COMMENTS
buttersabout 13 years agowe're too often star-struck for our own good. released, we are then left feeling as useless as a compass, spinning idly, bereft of direction...
i did prefer your other, but that's not to lessen the impact of this... for me, this is a 4. i wonder if it's not that phrase 'swollen eyesacks' that puts me off ever so slightly. a personal thing, and i apologise for bringing that prejudice to your poem :)
vrosej10about 13 years agoBit sci fi for my tastes but this is personal opinion. Ditch the two ands in that poem and it's be stronger for it.
