Guilt

Tearing, pulling, falling, screaming,
Gone the filters from my dreaming,
Walls come crashing down around me,
Gone the world I saw so clearly,
Nothing now makes sense at all,
What sin could have caused this fall,
All the lies that kept me sane,
Falling down like so much rain,
Crashing down around my ears,
Memories of too few years,
Why'd it have to end this way,
Was there nothing else to say,
Or is this just a new beginning,
One more chance to keep from sinning,
One last spin around the wheel,
One last chance to make it real,
And in the depths the hunger burns,
Somehow, still I never learn,
Every time the die is cast,
I swear, never again, this time's the last,
But every time my turn comes 'round,
Once again I'm lost, I'm found,
Still I make the same mistake,
Every time, a heart I break,
One more death upon my soul,
One more mark upon the toll,
Of hurts I've caused, of pains I've dealt,
All the wrongs that others felt,
Yet they say, just say the word,
All's forgiven, once it's heard,
But in my heart I know its wrong,
I'll simply sit and write this song,
Because I know that in the end,
It's my back that cannot bend,
It's not that I can't say the word,
It's not that I just can't be heard,
The price I pay exacted not,
By demons, judges, or by God,
But by myself, the only one,
Who can't move on, who can't be done,
For while another may forgive me,
Yet within my heart I still see,
That I'm the one who won't forgive
And I'm the one who just won't live.