haunted

Haunted

Every heartbeat takes a minute
Every minute an hour
Watching the clock tick slowly by, missing something you have never had.

A bed that once felt comfortable
Now seems an empty wasteland
My hands searching for a touch, that fades with the feel of cool sheets.

A thought becomes a dream
Pillows catching kisses meant for you
Tears that won't flow, knowing that I have no one to blame but me.

My heart once so protected and closed
Yours waiting to claim
Fearing the thought you will shred it with simple words, or worse actions.

My last thought of the day, you
My first glimpse of the sun, you
You invade my every moment, my mind turns to you with an ease unwanted.

Your touch makes me melt
Your smile, a gift
The simplest of gestures, simple messages, treasured and stored to revisit.

I know you didn't want this
I know you didn't mean to
But somehow, you have broken down the barriers to protect, I thought built so strong.

I didn't lie when I said friendship
I didn't lie when I said no pressure
Still my soul has betrayed me, It has connected with yours.

So I sit here thinking
Confused and alone
Unable to sleep, almost evilly wishing you the same torment of need, sadness and desire.

Because if you feel the same
If you dream of me as I of you
Then at least there is a chance, that this time I won't be left behind wondering why not me.

You say you know me
To know you, think what I would want
So I wonder, do you know you have my heart if you want to claim it, or were they just words.

am I once again to be haunted
By the thoughts of what could be
Or worse yet, by the thoughts of what could have been, when I finally find the courage to tell you.

So I hold myself back
From sharing what I am feeling
Far from content, but unwilling to take the chance to change it, because scraps are better than none.

But I know the time is coming
When I won't be able to prevent it
My words will betray me, and then I will know... Am I once again alone or will finally someone know me.