- Erotic Poetry
- Haunted
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Click hereI drift through the night on crimson wings
Alone, haunted by memories of you
In my mind I can still feel you
Your lips brushing against mine
My fingertips tracing the curves of your body
Aphrodite's only rival,
Silky skin, the taste of peaches
I can feel your heat, essence of fire
Burning me, consuming me until there is nothing left
We melt into each other, becoming one
Sliding, gliding, in perfect rhythm
Your eyes looking into mine, seeing my soul
And somehow finding me worthy of you.
You bite your lip, muffling a scream
My heart pounds, I tremble in your embrace
One moment of bliss that seems to last a lifetime
Immortality in the blink of an eye
But you are hidden from me now
A memory that plagues my every waking moment
Redemption always outside my grasp
Salvation lost to me forever
But I don't haunt you, do I?
You have him now and I have been forgotten
And I can't help but wonder
Does he feel your fire the way I did
Does he know the power of your touch
The way your eyes see into the soul
Or are you simply a toy to him
As I was to you.
- COMMENTS
jthserraabout 20 years agoand metaphor here in this bittersweet poem. There is a sense of loss, but I think the emotion of it would be enhanced if you remained more focused on the metaphors. You went with crimson wings to being haunted, then aphrodite's body (nice image here), then to peach tasting skin to the fire within her and then into the salvation lost in the second stanza. While perhaps reinforcing the poet's jumbled emotions at his loss, I think if you focused on one or two (maybe even three) of the metaphors and enhanced them though your poem so it is not a jumble of unrelated images, but something unified.
I think if you can do that, the overall emotion in the poem would intensify and the poem will sparkle...
jim : )
Syndra Lynnabout 20 years agoThis is good. I love the comparisons. The first line pulls me in and I love "Aprodite's rival!" Careful with that phrse, She's been known to curse lives for less. Thanks for this great portrait of feelings.
