- Non-Erotic Poetry
- He is...
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He is the sun and I am the earth,
His light shines down and creates my worth,
I feel his pull, keeps me on course,
Without him, life would be much worse
His is the fire and I am the wind,
His flame burns brighter because i'm with him,
He is my love, he is my friend,
Without his flame, life would be grim
He is my God, and I have faith,
I pray to him each time i wake,
I pray to him for love and strength,
To kneel at his feet, for that I ache
He is my book, I'm but a page,
It's only through him, that i am made,
It's only through him, that i'm displayed,
And between these covers, i shall always stay
He is the brightness that lights up the dark,
Whenever he touches me, my back it does arch,
Whereever he touches me, he leaves his mark,
Without him in life, the night becomes stark
I am the statue, that this Master sculpts,
He enforces my beauty, the bad traits he culls,
Keeping me stunning, not lustreless, dulled,
Without his chisel, life would have null
He is the artist, and I will be his oils,
I will be his ever need, from cherry to charcoal, I will be his sub or slave, his to punish and to spoil,
For him i would be anything, and i will try and i will toil
I am one of many, and many are like me,
And I never expected to me, his eyes to see,
But now that they have, I can never be,
Anything at all, without my Dom with me
- COMMENTS
SilverSlurper38almost 9 years agoThe art of poetry seems to be fading in our present day, although you have successfully created a descriptive work that truly raises the bar to a higher standard.
Corpse_rideralmost 13 years agoI've read this a couple of times, with a couple of days between readings. I like the idea but feel many of the stanzas are weak:
For one, I think each stanza is simply repeating the same message with a slightly different metaphor. Because you use so many competing metaphors without furthering the information the poem is diluted and weakened. It would be better to stick with one strong metaphor and reduce the poem drastically in length. That way the metaphor and poem will have more impact. It will be punchier and resonate with the reader. There is one strong stanza, to my mind, I would have your poem thus:
Master Sculpter
I am the material, my Master sculpts,
He shapes my beauty, bad traits he culls,
Making me stunning, not lustreless, dulled,
Without his chisel, life would be null.
I've changed a couple of words to fit better with the scuplting metaphor:
This is your original angle within the poem. The other metaphors I felt to be cliched and weak.
Good luck with your future writing.
Kobaalmost 13 years agoA beautiful poem that expresses very well the joys of submission. Your Dom is very lucky!
