Her Majesty Ought Never Say

In the royal bedchamber
Her Majesty The Queen,
having dropped the royal flannels
onto the Axeminster
that keeps the regal toes
from touching
marble floors,
would never use
a word like “cunt”
when instructing
good Prince Philip
on the proper placement
of the vice-regal organ
into her royal person

I know her roots
may be in Hanover
and a Saxon word should do
but certainly
you must agree
it sounds
too coarse
too rude

Nor can I see her
ever
calling it a “pussy”
with half a dozen corgis
watching from the floor

And alas,
the gynecologists
have taken all the Latin words
like “vulva” or “vagina”
so that using them
would smack of lessons
in anatomy
gone so very wrong

Now I confess
that I am not privy
to her royal proclamations
but I am almost certain
when she beseeches him
the only cry
that echoes
down Buckingham’s
lonely halls
is
“Philip, come
Philip, dear
fill up our quim.”