Her Part- Agony

He has held me
Seen me in all ways he could
Held me
And I saw the boy in the man
But more- the animal in human form.

He speaks of confusion
Hurt
Pain,
Tears
He does not speak of the suffering of the woman
Of the days alone
and nights moreso.

I slept beside him-
When I knew he was hurting me
I bore his children
In pain, in love
But what is love but pain?
Dreaming of another?
No- dreaming of the things I could not change

He speaks of me
And he knows not the pain
Not the pain of the woman
Deserted
Lonely
and looking
for the one thing she cannot find in him

SHE was there-
always in our bed-
Between us
SHE came to our home
SHE used the friendship
TO pursue a man
Who was already taken.

SHE was not the first.
There was ONE before he and I became WE
And one after
Sworn to secrecy
And confessing only in anger

My friends.
I have no friends now-
I had a lover-
But he left meunhappy
More boy than man-
Causing me pain.

But HE-
who had my heart-
Who speaks of confusion and animal pain
Hurt me more than any I have ever known

And he does not know the extent of my pain
My pain is as great
Forgiving is not the problem
Forgetting is

If he knew - would it change things?
No-
Because too much has gone before
And there is no making up
When wounded hearts die

I wish he knew-
Why I sought out
What he could not give
And found that it was not anywhere

Not even in myself

When we loved-
We could have faced the world
And won the battle

But too much distance
Divides hearts that should hold

In time we could be friends
But I will never look on his face-
Without pain