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Click hereHis candle burns
flickers like a lost star
not knowing which way
to shoot.
Yet,it feeds my soul. Takes
me from now to back then
when daily talks
made everything OK.
When I could hear his smile
through the lines. Caressing
my heart as it blew flourishing
flames inside, to replenish
this lost soul.
Taking a walk
meant standing on mountainsides,
snow falling, his hair all wet
curled up on end, that smile
again. Relighting this heart
over and over again ...
I do not see a lot of cliches but see a very moving poem that reflects moments from the past in a very nicely written way (~_~) I enjoyed your poem, RF and more importantly, I felt it!
candles burning and flickering,
a fed soul, a lost soul,
caressing, and hearts
Too many clichés in one poem. The poem isn't too bad, but could be greatly improved if it didn't have so many phrases that sound like tons of other poems out there. Don't you want your poetry to stand out from the crowd?
More of this would be nice:
Taking a walk
meant standing on mountainsides,
snow falling, his hair all wet
curled up on end,