- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Holding On To You
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[Original Poem] [Duh] [Please Do NOT Make Copies Of This Poem. Thank You.]
[Poem: Holding On To You]
[C] Copyright 2008
It was never easy for us
Always away in my own world
I haven't paid you much attention as I should
Lonely too am I
Facing the end of days
Like a lonely lover would
The time we are apart
Casts a saddening spell over our hearts
Without rapture from each others arms
I will once again make it back
Devoting my time to you
And sheltering you from any harm
I use to cry only inside
Then one day I shed a tear
For fear of losing my beautiful Queen
"No!" I curse the skies
That's not the way it will be
Fighting for you is what must be
I never took the traditional path
And gave up long ago
We both still hunger for each others touch
Love is the key to overcoming
Endless time apart
I assure you my dear, I miss you all too much
[END]
- COMMENTS
WickedEveover 15 years agoYeah, I can understand where you're coming from. Plagiarism sucks. ;) As far as the poem goes... show, don't tell. For example, you tell the reader that you never took the traditional path and you gave up long ago. You write about time apart and sadness. But I don't feel any of it. Show me something. Give me examples, descriptions. Sadness is abstract. Someone curled on their blue bed, hair clinging to cheeks as if tears are glue is a concrete image. I can see the sadness.
