Hot Water

A deep seeded desire burns within my body. Like an uncontrollable inferno, it illuminates my soul. I now contemplate how I might extinguish it. I begin to go insane. My mind now a fortress in which I contain my inner most secrets. Choosing not to mention thoughts kept in my mind. Thoughts contained only by flood gates, which I never release any overflow. The pressure intensely builds, causing me to go into sensory overload. Some of the pain I carry with me, begins to flow like rushing water released by the damn keepers. As I look inward at my reflection, in the tranquil waters now left behind. My physical body wants to shut down. Often I have entertained suicidal thoughts. Then I remind my self how selfish that would be. The most ultimate end to my existence. This is not this the answer. How self absorbing the water is. The weightlessness of the water makes me feel wonderful. Now that I have released the excess, my mind is placid. Just when I thought we had turned the page. Started a new chapter in our difficult life. He, of all people, who I think of as flawless. Never having any complex issues. A simple man. My significant other. The father of my children. Decides it is now his turn. He, unable to contain any longer the cancer that eats away at him. Tells me about the troubled waters in his mind. I now realize he has treaded in murky water for quite some time. Almost drowning in the raging rapids, and gulping in the black diseased water. He tells me his hope was to shut it out. Forget about what he did. Then the damn keepers once again release the flood gates. His gates. This time the water not making me feel so weightless, not feeling so wonderful. This water, his water, feeling so heavy. As I listen, with my full attention. He tells me what he has done. They secretly crept into my room. Laying together as one, as he and I have done thousands of times. Laying there, on our raft, in our waters. My scent filling the air, in the warmth I had just left. My children, and hers quietly in a slumber just inches away. How selfish of them both. Will I ever be able to forgive him, and she, my sister, in our waters! Now once again an uncontrollable inferno illuminates my soul. This time not about sexual thoughts, or childhood secrets, or my inner most fears. No, this time a back draft of flames, ignited by them, with the candle they lit. In the oil stained sea that they have created, engulfed in flames of hate, disgust, and disbelief . My mind, yet again flooding with raging waters. It is a safety raft that I now seek. Calm, tranquil waters I now search for again.