Hungry For A Fix

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walking through the blacklights cross a dark and sacred room...while trance music is playing as the crowd will be here soon. And down the smokey hallway my eyes begin to tear...glowing white as diamonds in the dark and stagnant air. I come across an empty room, it's early in the night...I find a seat to call my own here hidden from the twilight. I lay across the couch there when I seem to catch the glance...of a strolling brunette vixen with a brandy in her hand. She enters the room slowly leaning there in the doorway...I grin as she comes to me and her hips the way they sway. "You cant be here alone" she sits beside me with a smile..."do you have a lady friend" and will you stay here for a while?. Her lips were red as crimson sipping of her favorite poison...she placed it on the table leaning in with such emotion. I watched her eyes fall over me and felt her lust upon me...when then she turned to kiss my neck and placed her hand upon my knee. The object of desire my hair twisted in her fist...she straddles then my lap and lifts my chin up for a kiss. I taste her hungry mouth spiked with what she's had to drink...laying back she takes me over as into the couch I sink. And she wiggles in my lap to feel just what it is shes done...to feel me want and yurning for her warm and wicked tongue. One button at a time she'd expose my pounding chest...raking nails across my body as she fumbles for the rest. while she works my zipper down I commit to make a sin...knowing any given moment that the crowd will enter in. Trickling slowly from the city they come to this place each night...to satifsy a little hunger every dark ones true delight. As she reaches for my hardness grips it firmly in her hand...into my ringing ears she whispers "aren't you quite a lucky man". A stranger slows there in the doorway quite intrigued by what he sees...and I crawl then from beneath her knowing now's the time to leave. Grab her up roughly by the wrist clenching my teeth body ablaze...just follow me now out the door rushing behind me past eyes. So you want to take me home tonight? I'll admit it's not my style...I guess we cant always be perfect...and it's really been a while *grin*

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AnonymousAnonymousalmost 18 years ago
With or without line breaks--

we've still got poetry.

This isn't bad, considering you decided to eschew form and just leave your poem strewn across the space.

I was enjoying the near rhymes in the first quatrain but then you sank into a bit of passive voice to force a perfect rhyme scheme towards the middle of your verse.

Line breaks would have made the transition to traditional end rhyming couplets and phrases a little easier to accept, I think.

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