I Have to Have That Inside Me

I have to have that inside me...

she loved to catch me when I was soft
and took delight
in making it grow in her mouth.

she was disappointed
when it was pointing
straight and true
which it invariably was
being so close
to her
to her
to her...

her dad was a famous doctor,
he created something called
the under-handed
cross stitch
and was written up
in all the journals.
no scars for the rich
and famous.

he was also Jewish and a duck hunter
which amused me, but his
trophies were
everywhere to attest
to his skills.

when I first met him
he was loading his own buckshot
and listening to Mahler.

his house could swallow the last 5 houses
I lived in...

she drove me from Los Angeles to Monterey...
we kissed on Pebble Beach..
danced slowly to Miles Davis’
On Green Dolphin Street.

we started to make love in a small room
downstairs.
she undressed me,
laid me on my back
and began to make
love to me with
her mouth.

I was swollen and hard instantly,
which disappointed her
but she was making soft
and hungry sounds
as she swallowed me.

In a few minutes she
set back, looking at what she had created
and said, "I have to have that inside me."

She climbed on top of me,
soaking wet as usual,
perfect
and I was inside her.

she screamed, "I love you! Oh God,
I love you!"

and she was ready for a sleep...
whispering to me, "if I can’t love you,
I can’t love anybody."

A year later her face was swollen with tears
as she drove away to Oakland...

I quit work the next day and started to travel.
ended up in nyc, then CT, then
IN, MI, TX, CO, NJ, PA, KS
then back to CA, HI and back to CA...

where I met someone from
Tokyo

and that was almost the
end of that.